Femboys getting cock is a rare trope in eroge. And that, is the great tragedy of our times. Critical Hit is an attempt at correcting the historical social injustice of unfilled boypussies in corporate media. Made by indie studio Tsukiware (Patreon), Critical Hit is a short fucking boy pounding adventure.
Critical Hit tells a Dungeons & Dragons style scenario of an unlucky boy adventurer. The main character Akira is a badly rolled toon with a weak constitution. He cannot fight, he has no muscle, he is just a doofy asexual fuckdoll that gets anally wrecked at every monster encounter. The story begins with an explanation of Akira’s dual personality, and the rolling of his stats. Frankly, it made zero sense to me. But if one can get used to living in a totalitarian state controlled with fear, planned scarcity, and violence, so too can one grow accustomed to the idea of… a parallel soul? What? Anyway.
The artstyle has a fitting color scheme for a medieval fantasy setting; the clothes and backgrounds have some nice earthly natural colors, meaning green, grey, varying shades of brown, et cetera. The character sprites look better than the CGs in my opinion; Personally I’ll rather fap to this boy’s sprite than his CGs. The consistency and solidness of the art is a merit though. Oh! And let’s talk about the interface. The game autosaves as you progress through chapters, no need for manual saving. And the menu buttons, and archive, are frankly a tad bit smoother to use than even Japanese eroge, as the menus in those game I’ve often found to be suffering from rather rigid uncreative design. The interface in Critical Hit is unobtrusive, good to use. Overall, the game looks and feels professionally made.
Critical Hit has no voice acting, and SFX is not particularly punchy. The main audio you hear is therefore the music, which is unbefittingly intense and ominous. For such a light-hearted game, such dark melodies create a little bit of a cutesy contrast. But it works! Somehow. The game has five musical tracks in total, seemlessly blending in to the scenes they play in. But seriously, the menu music is also in the actual story portion of the game, promising a very dark tale of existential subtexs with a hint of teenage angst, yet the overall atmosphere is light and goofy, so what the fuck? I’m not much of a music critic, so I’ll just leave you with “music’s good”… some tracks just don’t really fit the atmosphere.
The writing style is youthful and self-aware of the ridiculousness. The story is narrated by a faceless game master, and Akira’s parallel soul narrates too. The dialog was rough around the edges, and Akira’s personality was difficult to distinguish from it. The other characters, like the goblin brothers had personality, but there is something particularly unreal about brutish gobbos talking in full English sentences. Coherent dialog is easier to read, and to write, but it still irks me when finer details in dialog are not polished to the absolute end. But hey, think for a minute; a girly cock-craven homo-sexual acting as the main protagonist of a piece of contemporary media? Just no. No homo. Sexualizing homosexuals? That is just homophobic. The jokes are aplenty, because this is a funny jolly story of a bitch boy getting his ass destroyed by big monsters cocks… neither does the dialog shy away from fucking profanity! Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. The f-bombs get dropped at the very beginning of the end. Don’t like it? Kill yourself.
To summarize; no voice acting, mild sound effects, decent background music, homosexuality, sexualization, no trigger warning, kill yourself.
The sex scenes are descriptive enough and don’t last ridiculously long. Male ejaculation doesn’t take too long to achieve anyway, so perhaps the content suffices for a few faps. During these encounters, Akira’s parallel soul, “Akira Spirit”, takes over his body. While Akira spirit is smart and sexual, Akira himself is an asexual literally clinically retarded fucktard, and he makes stupid random decisions from beginning to end, like eating mold-ridden bread. The racist bigoted homophobic ableism is astounding. OR IS IT!?
My only real complaint about this product is that the scenario is very fucking short. For 10 united states dollars, Critical Hit offers about 50 minutes of content… but. Here is what I suggest to you yaoi fans: I know the head guy of Tsukiware, his name is Ackure/Ironstrom/Ragefury. He has a history in AAA and indie game development, has worked for Sekai Project, Lupiesoft, has personal connections in literally all the big companies in our budding cancerous industry. He is skilled and educated, and privileged out of his white asian fag ass. Despite all this, he has financial trouble going on, because his flat mate lost his job this year. He put this game together with barely $1300, and made a great job at it, circumstances considered. With the cash Tsukiware rakes from this little debut title, I hear they have already budgeted to make their next title. You buy this game to support western quality yaoi games, you are gonna get more western quality yaoi games.
Choose your destiny!