Sakura Space: no-one can hear you fap

sakura space anime winged cloud

Sakura Space is a yuri visual novel romp developed by Winged Cloud. For personal computers, made with the Renpy programming language, this game is void of substance, characterization, and plot; perfect for audiences with low standards for their fap fodder.

The same-face Sakura girls are a brand of their own; Sakura Space perpetuates the saga. It’s a showing of a brand’s strength that I have been aware of these games for years, despite never touching them until last week. I have finally dipped my dick into the cesspool of ecchi oppai, and I am sad to admit, I am clearly not the target audience for the franchise. In fact, I am perhaps the worst possible person to be reviewing this game.

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Shika (leftmost girl) is the captain of the ship. She likes cheap coffee. She cares not a shit bit about ethics when her clit gets hard. The middle girl is named Nami, she is supposedly super smart, secretive, unemotional, etc. a total Ayanami Rei ripoff. And the blonde girl Kotori is just a full-blown flamboyant blazing homosexual. Their personalities are like cartboard boxes with their traits painted on them – most unimpressive. Two unemotional archetypes is just too much: Shika should have been someone more personable, than the cool-headed ultra rational girl she was written as.

The premise of Sakura Space is the following: Three lesbian bounty hunters, spaceship, 1 billion dollar bounty. Go go go get rich and fuck bitches!! The yuri trio races across the galaxy to hunt down a girl named Akane. However, what they don’t realize, is that Akane is also looking for them… much suspense!

Here’s what sucks about this game; it is digitalized brain death. If you’ve watched fanservice ecchi anime series such as To Love-ru, Highschool DxD, Queen’s Blade, you know that ecchi-themed content is the dumbest crap ever shat out of any writing staff’s collective asses. And that’s the point of it; to drain your brain of the last thought, to zombify your body before emballment. The goal of ecchi is the same as masturbation; relaxation from the hectic soul-crushing life in the capitalist running wheel, where men plough through life, to further enrich the top echelon of society. A life void of mystery and spirituality, injected with popcorn entertainment media; it fills the void in the hearts of young men reeling from the lonely pain of battling for survival in this realm of death.

In context, the only question that matters, is not the actual quality of the content, but how Sakura Space accomplishes its role in maintaining the status quo of the social hierarchy. My answer; it doesn’t. If this game was the last piece of pacifying placebo media left in the civilized English-speaking nations, we would be on the streets hanging bankers and politicians by the neck. There would be spikes on the downtown sidewalks, severed blood-dripping heads protruding at their pointy ends.

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Sakura Space has no voice acting. There are no sound effects. The default Renpy icon, is the game’s exe-file’s icon. There is one battle scene with visuals, but also battle scenes without visuals – it matters, because in the scenes lacking a CG, all you see are the sprites standing around like dumb fucks, no motioning that they are fighting, and in the absence of sound effects, it feels like the action is in the girls’ heads rather than actually happening. Also, the choices I made in the game, did not branch the storyline. You have the same fuck scenes and the same dialog regardless. This, on top of the fact that my game encountered a fatal error that prevents me from wasting more life into the game.

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This game does not offer an emotional journey, where you throw yourself into an astonishing fantasy world of excitement and adventure and interesting characters, whose secrets and flaws you slowly learn to know and love. The only characters you meet, are archetypal anime toons depicted in sprites that slide around, like they’re suffering from the last stages of an advanced brain tumor. No, the game offers two things, and two things only: semi-decent fap fuel imagery, and a handful of futuristic musical pieces reminiscent of Starfox.

There are multiple songs, some light and playful like Kotori’s theme, intense electronic battle music, there’s a lazy basic melody that plays during casual dialog scenes, Akane’s tricky neko-tastic theme, etc. Each are well done, for their purpose, to lull you into a soft dream world of fantasy waifus, a world without geopolitics, proxy wars, or the ever-growing possibility of a nuclear exchange between leading super powers. For their credit, none of the tracks get tiring while listening on loop, and while clearly composed for the purpose of playing in the background, they are not completely forgettable. The cute light tone of the story, is well conveyed and enhanced by the music.

The art deserves credit. The sprites and CGs are consistent; body proportions up to the breast-sizes look consistently the same in each image. Some of the CGs however are dislodged from the story; they function well as promotional material, but within the actual story, they feel like forcefully implemented recesses meant to distract you from getting bored with always staring at the same tired sprites, which occupy 90% of the screen time. The sex scenes happen, all the girls fuck each other for the shit of it, and this does not properly show in their relationship dynamics. In an ideal world, sex would be something you just do, but in the real world of actual people, there’s a lot of bullshit emotions included, the colliding of different cultures and emotional baggage… I can see why the developers left that bit out.

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Looking at Winged Cloud’s Patreon, they are pulling $10000 a month from mere 600 backers at present, I suspect this crime against the visual novel medium is the symptom of a problem. The problem, is the black plague of our time, the neoliberal media. Infectious feminist agenda has become the new social order, the massive scale indoctrination effort fuelled with blood money from the destroyer of nations IMF, the gold-star mafia Goldman Sachs, George Soros’s closet-zionist Open Society Foundation, the Clinton Foundation, and the Illuminati, we are facing an epidemic of cuck-boys being plugged at birth into the New Matrix, aka. the religion of betafaggotry. The real-life masters of the universe have fabricated a perverted culture of sensitivity and identity politics, inadvertently carving a massive market for inoffensive void-brained ecchi garbage consumed in droves by headless armies of fuckless niceguy mommy-fetishist fist pumpers.

Fuck Sakura Space, fuck the Illuminati, and fuck neoliberism. Punch my cuck face and get shit with your fucking money.










Our Rating

Ecchi goodies8
Impenetrable error screen0.1

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